


The First to Go

by nightchandac



Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic
Genre: Angst, Death, Other, im so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-09
Updated: 2015-11-12
Packaged: 2018-04-19 22:40:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4763678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightchandac/pseuds/nightchandac
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two little angst-filled things. <br/>Sith Lord Alecks suffers a mortal wound on the battlefield.<br/>Alecks and Quinn face off against some republic soldiers. It ends...badly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I often have SW:TOR-related dreams. Sometimes they're funny and super weird, and other times they're the least fun thing ever. This one was particularly horrible, so naturally I decided to write it out.
> 
> For added angst, listen to "Not About Angels" by Birdy while reading.
> 
> I'm so sorry.

Malavai Quinn watched in horror as the red blade impaled Alecks. He felt his whole world shatter around him. The hulking Sith Lord deactivated his lightsaber, smirking as he watched his prey fell to the cold ground in a heap. His glowing orange eyes darted to Quinn and he reached out in the Force to deliver a punch that forced Quinn to fly backwards and crash into a stack of crates, toppling them. When he recovered, the Sith was nowhere to be found.

He rushed over to Alecks, fighting as hard as he could to keep his emotions from taking over his analytical mind. She was still awake, gasping for breath as she clutched her stomach. “My lord, I’m here! Let me help you,” he said, failing to keep his voice from quivering. He quickly injected her with kolto and she coughed, sputtering blood.

“Q—Quinn,” she managed through heavy breaths.

He brushed the stray strands of hair from her face and shushed her. “Don’t…” he managed, his face twisting with sadness. “You’ll be fine; I can fix this,” he whispered, digging through his belt pouches for his comm to call for a med evac.

He spent the agonizing moments until help arrived caressing her face, brushing her hair away, keeping her conscious…keeping his focus on keeping her alive. He knew the odds of her survival were near not a fucking chance in hell, but he pushed the nagging ache of that knowledge down.

\-------

The holoterminal blinked and chimed, startling Vette out of her concentration. She rose, wiping her hands on her pants, and answered. She was met with a disheveled Captain Quinn and her heart lurched.

“You…you should get here quickly… She—” his voice cracked and he coughed, trying to recompose himself.

Vette made no effort to keep her emotions in check. “We’ll be there. Hang tight...Malavai,” she answered and clicked the terminal off. She let out a loud cry, clutching desperately at the terminal for support.

“Vette, what’s wrong?” Jaesa asked urgently, rushing to the Twi’lek’s side.

Vette simply shook her head and Jaesa understood immediately. She went to inform the others and left Vette to be alone with her emotions.

\-------

It had only been twenty minutes, but to Quinn it had felt like hours. Alecks was still alive, but unconscious and there was nothing left for them to do to help her. It had taken them too long to get her to the med center and Quinn felt like tearing the room apart knowing his lord, his love, was going to die because of his slowness, because the medics couldn’t move fast enough.

He sat beside her bed, weaving his fingers through hers absentmindedly, and admiring her peaceful face. He had been reassured several times that she was not in pain, but that was the most they could do. He was wondering what it had felt like for her when a hand rested on his shoulder. His breath caught in his throat as he realized who it was and was once again forced to face reality.

He stood and let Vette pull him close. Under any other circumstances he would have pushed her away, but the warmth of her arms around his waist kept him anchored in the now. He did not reciprocate and she let go quickly, but Quinn offered her a small smile, silently thanking her for the sentiment.

He swallowed hard, trying to clear the lump in his throat. “She’s comfortable…but…it’s simply a matter of time, now,” he managed softly and left Vette to be alone with Alecks.

\-------

Vette didn’t know why, but she felt she needed to comfort Quinn and a hug was the only way she could think of doing so. She was surprised he’d let her, even if he didn’t hug her back. When she released him, the sad smile he offered her broke whatever was left of her already shattered heart.

After he left the room, Vette moved to Alecks’s side, grabbing her hand and pressing it to her face. “Girl, please…please wake up…” she begged almost silently. Jaesa had entered the room and put an arm around Vette’s waist. They stood still for a few silent moments before Vette turned away, burying her face in Jaesa’s shoulder, letting her wrap her arms around her and fill her with a sense of peace and serenity through the Force.

A loud, pained gasp sounded from the bed and both women turned their attention to Alecks. “Quinn!” Vette shouted before grabbing Alecks’s hand with both of hers. “Alecks, can you hear me? Alecks!”

A rush of black passed behind her as Quinn made his way to her other side, taking her other hand in the same manner, briefly wiping his eyes on his sleeve.

\-------

Alecks’s eyes were wide, full of panic, as she struggled for breath. Tears began to fall silently down her face. “Q—Quinn….Malavai…” she stammered, gasping as if every word brought fire to her chest.

“I’m here, my —my love. I’m here,” he answered, correcting himself before he called her ‘lord’. He didn’t want her last thought of him to be as her subordinate. He wanted her at peace knowing he loved her more than his own heart could bear.

Her face twisted in agony, letting out pained whimpers and Quinn’s heart leapt to his throat. This was it; he was watching her die. It was no use fighting back the tears and he let them flow freely.

Alecks turned to look at Quinn and he felt as though she could see right through him. Her silver eyes glittered and there was no longer an overwhelming sense of panic in them, but peace. She brushed her fingers across his cheek as she tried to speak.

“Malavai...Quinn,” she whispered, wheezing the words out.

He wanted more than anything to tell her not to speak, noticing how much it hurt her to do so, but he knew these were her last words. He leaned into her hand, moving it to his mouth and kissing it lightly. “Alecks Quinn,” he managed, feeling a sense of pride in adding her new surname. Married for less than a year, and he was to be made a widower. He’d always imagined he’d be the first to go.

She smiled lightly, but was gasping for breath again. Once more, the panic gripped her and she searched his face. “I—I love…you…” she whispered.

Quinn could barely hear her over his sobs. “I love you, too, Alecks,” he replied, leaning close and whispering his reply on her cheek before kissing her gently.

Her breathing slowed and suddenly her hand went limp in his grip. The realization was slow to build, but when it finally hit him he lost all control.

He let out a soul-ripping wail, balling his hands into fists and clutching his chest. He had never felt pain like this before. He wanted to rage, to tear apart the room, the planet, everything. His whole world was gone.

Through his tears, he brought his face close to Alecks’s, trying to keep the last bit of warmth radiating from her in his memory.


	2. Bonus chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alecks and Quinn face off against some republic soldiers. It ends....badly.

Alecks stood, lightsaber held at the ready, before the small team of republic soldiers. Quinn stood behind her with his blaster drawn, prepared for the inevitable fight.

"I repeat: stand down, Sith! You are outmatched. We've been trained to fight force-users," the commander demanded.

Alecks rolled her eyes. "As if I haven't heard that before. Quinn," she called, turning around to face him, "how many times have we heard that before?"

"Too many to count, my lord," he replied with a sly smile.

"And how many times have they been correct about that?" she asked, glaring at the commander, spinning her black and pink blade quickly.

"Never, my lord. Not once."

"Right. So, still feeling confident, commander?"

The soldiers behind him shifted uncomfortably, but the commander squared his shoulders. "Fire at will, men!"

Without hesitation, the seven men opened fire, blaster bolts screaming through the air, missing their targets. Alecks and her blade were a blur as she batted back their fire, taking out four of the men in quick succession. She quickly spared a glance in Quinn's direction and a bolt grazed across her shoulder. She grimaced and Quinn reached for a medpac, but she turned away quickly, signaling to him that she was fine and returned to batting back blaster fire.

Finally, the commander was the only one left standing. He was hunched over, an arm wrapped around his waist, his blaster shakily aimed at Alecks. She stood several meters away trying to catch her breath. Quinn stood dutifully behind her off to the side, ready to fire or provide assistance should she need it.

"Ready to renegotiate, commander?" Alecks asked him, readying her lightsaber again.

The commander straightened, his expression oddly serene. He leveled his blaster and as he fired, Alecks threw her saber at him. In an instant, the soldier was in two and Alecks's saber was back in her hand. She hooked it back on her belt and let out a relieved sigh when she heard a low moan behind her and her heart leaped to her throat as she turned toward the sound.

Quinn stood with a hand over the smoking hole now in his middle. He slowly looked up to Alecks and a confused look flashed across his face as he stumbled backwards. Alecks was by him in an instant, catching his head before it hit the ground. She swallowed her initial panic and reached into his belt for a medpac and his holocom.

"You stay with me, Quinn. Keep your eyes on me," she repeated over and over as she worked to stabilize him and simultaneously called for help.

He tried to speak, but no sound came out and he struggled for breath. Tears welled in his eyes and Alecks told herself it was because of the pain and held his hand tightly in hers.

As the medpac took effect, he began to calm down and Alecks brushed her free hand over his hair. "Help's coming, okay? Just stay with me, Mal," she said softly.

He whimpered and he shuddered against a jolt of pain, squeezing his eyes shut. "I thought dying would... hurt more," he managed when it passed.

"Shh, don't. You're not going to die. I won't allow it," Alecks reassured him, trying to keep the sadness from her voice.

"One of the...many perks of being married...to a Sith Lord...I presume..." he whispered, taking ragged breaths.

Despite herself, Alecks chuckled lightly, feeling tears well in her own eyes. Finally, she heard Vette call out to her, running and followed close behind by Pierce who was guiding a stretcher. "They're here. You're going to be okay....you have to be okay...." she pleaded.

\------------------------------------

They left Alecks to be alone with Quinn in the medbay. Her initial rage at his death had passed--though only Jaesa appeared frightened by her display--and one by one, they'd filed out, finally leaving her in silence.

She stood next to the cot with her head buried in his chest, at last able to let her raw emotion show. She sobbed heavily until her voice was hoarse and her head hurt. She felt empty and broken and hollow, all spark in her silver eyes dulled. She never wanted to look away from him, fearing if she did she'd forget what he looked like, but seeing his lifeless form made her chest hurt.

Shakily, she sat in the chair beside her and took his hand in hers, bringing it to her face. She leaned forward and rested her head against the edge of the cot. Focusing inward and on steadying her breathing, she eventually relaxed enough to fall asleep with her head against his arm.

There was a light knock on the medbay door and she stirred awake, hoping everything was a terrible nightmare. The realization hit her once more when she saw him lying still before her.

"Alecks?" Vette asked from the doorway, holding the datapad in her hand out to her, "you've got a message."

Alecks waved her away. "I'm not in the mood, Vette," she snapped.

Vette pressed the 'pad into her hands. "You need to see it..."

Something in the way she said it made Alecks look down at her inbox. A new message had popped up, the subject line sending a fresh wave of heartbreak through her. "In the event of my death..." Alecks read aloud, her voice cracking. She scanned over the brief message, Vette hovering nearby to read over her shoulder. Alecks couldn't be bothered enough to care.

The message was a short set of instructions--'desk, top drawer, false back'--followed by a string of numbers which Alecks understood to be an access code.

She headed to their quarters and in the drawer she found a small holoprojector with her name handwritten on it in Quinn's neat script. She placed it on the desk and sat down, hitting play as she did so. Quinn's small form flickered to life standing in parade rest.

"My lord," he began and Alecks flinched at his voice. "If you are viewing this message, I'm sorry. I express my deepest regrets at leaving you first. I can only hope I died honorably, for your cause." He paused and smoothed his uniform. "Alecks, know that I love you with my every breath, every beat of my heart. More than life itself. More than the Empire." He allowed himself a small smile at his joke and Alecks found herself joining him. "Everything I have is yours. Naturally, I have official documents, but they say the same thing. Know that I was yours, entirely.

"I hope I have honored you as much as you honor me. Every second of our time together made me feel whole again. You know my regrets, and I would have done everything in my power to go back and change my decisions, but I hope that every moment since then has proven to you that I was dedicated to you and you alone." His hands shook as he brought them from behind his back and clasped them in front of him. He looked down briefly as Alecks assumed he was gathering his final thoughts. When he looked back up, she saw tears fall down his face and she gasped at her own tears in response.

"Alecks...my lord, my love. Live long and well for me. Remember our time together fondly and...be happy. I will always be with you and I will always love you." He ground out the last words through clenched teeth as he fought against his emotions.

Alecks cried quietly for a few moments as she registered what he'd said. His figure stood frozen and Alecks was left staring at the small image of her husband, tears sparkling on his face. She set it back to the beginning and watched it again, wishing she could have him back but grateful he had left her one last message.

\---------------------------

Alecks woke, sobbing. Beside her, the sheets rustled and a dark figure sat up.

"Alecks? What's wrong?" Quinn asked, groggy.

She sat up quickly and wrapped her arms around him. "Oh! It was a dream. Thank the Force, it was just a dream," she cried into his bare chest.

He held her close in response, pressing his face into her shoulder. "You're okay. I'm here. What happened?"

For several long minutes, she simply cried as he held her tightly. He continued to whisper quiet reassurance in her ear as he let her ride it out. When she finally composed herself, she sat back against the headboard and waited for him to follow suit. He draped a strong arm over her shoulders and as she rested her head against his chest, she began to speak.

"I watched you die. I tried to save you, we all did...but..." She paused to take a shaky breath. "I had to watch you die..."

He gently kissed the top of her head. "I'm right here. I'm okay."

She rolled over to sit in his lap, taking his face in her hands and just taking him in. "I know, I know. It was just a horrible, horrible nightmare. We tried so hard to save you..."

He reached up and gently caressed her face. She leaned into his touch and he wiped away stray tears with his thumb. Pulling her face close to his, their lips millimeters apart, he whispered, "I'm sorry I required such care," and pressed his lips to hers.

She sighed and let him take the lead, glad to have woken up to him very much alive and beside her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figured that since I put Quinn through the hell of dealing with Alecks's death, I should flip it around and have Alecks deal with Quinn's death. And I got a little carried away. 
> 
> I made myself sad when writing his whole speech thing, so I had to end it on a light note and since Alecks's death was a dream I had, I made Quinn's death a dream Alecks had. 
> 
> I was originally going to have "I'm sorry I required such care" be his last words which would have been mega horribly angsty, but damn that hurt too much to think about. 
> 
>  
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it. There might be another tiny bonus chapter at some point.

**Author's Note:**

> 1] This was just a terrible dream I had, so the events are not accurate to what would actually happen... but I tried.
> 
> 2] Vette calls Alecks "Girl" as a nickname.
> 
> 3] I can't finish this because I just cry whenever I try....so...sorry.


End file.
